Dead and happy about it

Ya know, in my last post I made light of my situation with my step mom. I wrote about some pretty trivial shit. I had it in the back of my mind that my dad might read it and that I needed to keep it 'clean.' I'm still going to keep it clean, but I want to say that she was emotionally abusive to both me and my dad. She was vulgar, pushy, crass, and abrasive. My dad would make excuses for her, saying she doesn't know any better, and she very well may not. She is honest, I'll give her that. If you ask her if she thinks your fat in 'this outfit', and you are, she will tell you so. She won't sugar coat it. It's almost like she revels in brutal honesty, turning the knife when the stick hurt well enough. I believe that people can be honest without drawing blood... She often used her well known brutal honesty to deny things she said, did, or situations she manipulated in regard to me. The things she's done, I could never prove, there was nothing physical, and either she was truly oblivious or she lied, when I would call her out on something. She's never come up to me and quietly laughed about how she'd 'won' so I really don't know. In regard to my dad, when she and I were getting along, she would bash him; tell me things he’d done to her….they may have been true. Their relationship was a rocky one, back in the day, but there was no need to tell me some of these things. I’m talking ten, eleven years old here! Later, and older I’d ask my dad without ratting her out, and usually she had it distorted, he admitted to things and I believed him over her. It was like she wanted me on her side…which leads me to believe she did the same with me as the subject.

She's just always been mean spirited whether her wrath was directed at me or directed at someone else. It's strange though, how her persona is veiled from most people.

Anyway, I'm going to leave it alone. I'm not going to get into the details; it really doesn't matter at this point. I can say that in spite of everything I do love her.

We're back from Co and things went well. She did little things that I expected, like the day we arrived she went shopping with one of her friends, before this would have hurt me. This is also one of the friends mentioned in the last post, and it seems her feelings haven't changed toward me. The friend barely said hello, but seemed thrilled to see Zeke...as did step mom. Step mom was extremely nice to Zeke for the most part. She did take many opportunities to poke fun at my expense. I'm happy to say that it didn't affect me, like it would have in the past. I just did my own thing. I hung out with my dad and brother. I didn't avoid her, hoping she would realize I was upset with her...I truly didn't want to take it any further. We spent a few days in the mountains and it was a blast! As far as she goes, I love her and I'm excited to be done with our old pattern. I'm o-kay with having a 'distant/close' relationship with her. Now, when the time comes that she wants to 'talk' I just have to remember this..and let her say what she wants and not elaborate on it. Not tell her what she did this time, just let it be. That will be a test on my part. I'll post some pictures and talk about the actual TRIP another day...soon. Thanks for ‘listening’ to my boring saga of the dead Mommy dearest! And no she didn’t mention the term…which I find funny. Seriously, it was said EVERY time we wrote, talked to each other, or to someone about the other…it was a term we both used a lot…until now. DEAD I SAY!!