No home sweet home..Cancer #4

So I don’t think he’s coming home Tuesday, Which was the plan. He’s still unable to lay down flat. I haven’t been able to catch the doctor to ask him what he thinks of all this. I know they had hoped the radiation would have shrunk the tumor enough by now so that he could. Then they’d take the mold, do the PET scan and send him home. He said he still can’t breathe well enough. I want to know if this treatment is working or not! He’s not getting lightheaded anymore, which would indicate that it is working but…I donno, I keep analyzing everything. One minute I’m convinced it’s doing wonders, the next it’s not doing a thing. The tech said they are going to shoot for Thursday.

Today felt pretty stagnant. The air in his room was pretty gloomy and melancholy. I think the hospital is wearing on him. It’s been a week now. Everyone is excessively eager to make him feel comfortable, and content, which after a while would get on my nerves to. Family and friends are also fawning all over him. We’re all so worried about him feeling lonely or needing us that we have forgotten he needs his own space. I personally feel like I should be next to him at all times, I feel guilty when I’m not. I shouldn’t be laughing while all of this is going on. And besides all of that he’s not getting any rest, nurses, techs, doctors, cleaning people, food people, etc…knocking at least every two hours. Every time he closes his eyes, someone knocks. Every time he takes a bite of food, someone needs blood. He had a pretty crappy attitude today. Everything bothered him. He had something negative to say about just about everyone. He said they all treat him like a five year old. He said, “I know they are just doing their job, but if one more person covers me up, pats my hand or hovers over me, I’m gonna loose it." All he did today was complain. I stayed for a few hours then left him alone. I hope he’s better tomorrow. Well I’m REALLY tired, so I’m gonna get to sleep.