Update..Cancer sage #2
Well I'm in Colorado. I left the following morning. It feels good to be by his side. And I mean literally by his side. Most of you know he has a prosthetic left arm, so I pulled a chair right up to the right side of his bed to hold his hand, and haven't left (but to sleep) since. I'm in everyone's way, and I don't care. I'll move for you to do what you need to do, but just know that I'll be back in this spot everything you come into this room. Anyway, It was an emotional reunion to say the least! My daddy, geeze I can't explain how I love him. And he needed me here as much as I needed to be here. We've always been close. Ever since I was a little girl I've idolized him and followed him like a devoted puppy. Eveyone who has ever been around us knows it. Some don't like it, some admire it. I am truly a daddies girl I really don't really have much to give right now, I just wanted to update this blog.
My dad wanted a little alone time, and while walking around aimlessly, I stumbled onto this internet cafe/waiting room so I thought I'd write a little.
He's been in the hospital since Friday. They found 4 tumors. One is about the size of a baseball, and is located behind his collar bone, this is the one they are most worried about. The others are near his arm pit, they've done a biopsy in that area and didn't find anything. Basically, they are fatty lumps. Which is good. The one behind his collar bone is still a big issue. It's obstructing his airway and two main arteries from his heart to his brain. His breathing is labored, his voice is gone and he's dizzy.His spirits are good though. Due to problems with his blood being to thin they haven't been able to do a biopsy on that one, until today. We'll get the results tomorrow. As for me, I'm putting on a strong face. Asking questions, getting water, food, etc... Consoling and calming step mom, trying to get brother to eat. Although he's for sure holding his own and then some. I'm a wreck inside. Tomorrow is the big day. I'm scared shitless mostly, but optimists seeps in and leaves a warm refreshing feeling. This waiting is horrible, and I feel so utterly alone. I miss my Zeke. I just need a hug, to have him here when I want to bitch or cry. My emotions are a little crazy. I called some lady a cu#* today...for crossing the street. My patience is short to say the least. So far most of my remarks die before they come out of my mouth. This all feels so sureal.
My dad wanted a little alone time, and while walking around aimlessly, I stumbled onto this internet cafe/waiting room so I thought I'd write a little.
He's been in the hospital since Friday. They found 4 tumors. One is about the size of a baseball, and is located behind his collar bone, this is the one they are most worried about. The others are near his arm pit, they've done a biopsy in that area and didn't find anything. Basically, they are fatty lumps. Which is good. The one behind his collar bone is still a big issue. It's obstructing his airway and two main arteries from his heart to his brain. His breathing is labored, his voice is gone and he's dizzy.His spirits are good though. Due to problems with his blood being to thin they haven't been able to do a biopsy on that one, until today. We'll get the results tomorrow. As for me, I'm putting on a strong face. Asking questions, getting water, food, etc... Consoling and calming step mom, trying to get brother to eat. Although he's for sure holding his own and then some. I'm a wreck inside. Tomorrow is the big day. I'm scared shitless mostly, but optimists seeps in and leaves a warm refreshing feeling. This waiting is horrible, and I feel so utterly alone. I miss my Zeke. I just need a hug, to have him here when I want to bitch or cry. My emotions are a little crazy. I called some lady a cu#* today...for crossing the street. My patience is short to say the least. So far most of my remarks die before they come out of my mouth. This all feels so sureal.
posted by elanflux at 5:25 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home